Muss es sein? Es muss sein! Es muss sein!

Must it be? It must be! It must be!

This is how Milan Kundera describes his characters' needs in his book 'The Unbearable Lightness of Being'.

I had my eyes on this book for some time but when I could actually lay my hands on it, at a friend's place, I was a bit skeptical about it. The first review I heard was this: "Either you will love it or you will hate it. There is no middle way". I picked up the book. Two days later I am done reading it. I read a lot of online reviews however the one most precise is still the one I heard first. "Either you will love it or you will hate it. There is no middle way". And I love it!

Even though there was not much time to spare these last couple of days, I read it everywhere, home, office, even on the way to office. I did not want to put the book down, it is so fascinating. I wanted to keep reading it. So much so that as I approached the end I did not want to read it because I wanted it to go on forever.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being. What happens only once is as good as not happening at all. Because we have only one life, it does not matter. A decision can not be judged right or wrong unless we get the chance to go the other way as well. Because our only-once-lived-life does not matter, it makes our 'being' light. This lightness makes our life insignificant thus making the idea unbearable. Hence, the Unbearable Lightness of Being.

Fair enough, I'd say.

"Einmal ist keinmal"(once is nonce), Beethoven's "es muss sein!" (It must be!), Sabina's "Kitsch" summarize the theme. All at the same time, it is philosophical, ironical, sarcastic, humorous, sad and random!

When the subject matter is as random as this, I am amazed at the author's ability to make a book out of it. How people can make an organized (and sensible!) compilation of totally arbitrary thoughts amazes me. This is why I had liked 'A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' too.

I was reading 'The Kite Runner' before this. It was touching. Reading it made me sad. The subject matter of 'The Unbearable...' is sad too but reading it made me happy. Happy that I read the book for if I had not read it I would have missed out on something great!

Even though my liking to Kite Runner has taken a back seat in view of Unbearable.., it is a book I enjoyed reading. So much that Khaled Hosseini's other book, 'A Thousand Splendid Suns' is in my list of To-Read-Soon! Reading Kite Runner refreshed my old feeling of being-unable-to-put-the-book-down after a long time. Thanks to The Kite Runner, I am back in the reading race.

Empty Mind : Devil's Workshop

11 am. Tea.
Emails.
11.45 am. Tea.
News.
12.15 pm. Snacks. Mahabharata. 1 pm. Lunch. Mahabharata.
2 pm. News. 2.15 pm. Mahabharata. 2.30 Giveup. 2.35 Giveup. 2.40 Word Game. 3 Giveup. 3.15 Giveup. 3.40 Tea. Giveup. 4 Cack session. 4.15 Giveup.

So much time, so little to do!
That is my day in office today.
What do you do when you have nothing to do? It is ironical the way you find so many interesting things to do when there is work to be done and how you find simply nothing to do when there is time to spare!

My idea of finding solace in work does not seem to be working as there is no work. As the day goes on and as irritation grows on, other things come to mind.

As the emptiness echoes in my mind, the saying 'an empty mind is a devil's workshop' comes to mind. Is it true? Is it true that an empty mind can come up with devilish ideas? Devilish ideas, I don't know but negative ideas, definitely. As thoughts start forming, I realize it takes an effort to stop them from going in a certain negative direction. After it stops, again my mind fills up with negative things and goes on to add more negatives to them. It goes on and then with a start I realize I am doing it again. And again it takes a lot of effort to change their direction.

As the emptiness increases the negativity might take an evil turn. It might become devilish. May be that is how an empty mind becomes a devil's workshop. May be.

Me, gutless? No way! Really?

Modern. Educated. Independent. Practical. Aware of what is right and what is not. Capable of raising your voice against wrong done to you and/or others.
Is that what you think of yourself?

Scenario # 1
Out on a fun trip with friends, you come across some exotic animal. They think of catching it and making a meal of it. Assuming you think it is not correct (for obvious reasons), will you stop your friends from doing it? Will you atleast try?

I am sure the answer to this is yes. Let us change this slightly.

Scenario # 2
Same situation. Replace friends with people you would not want to piss off, say your boss. Will you be able to ask them to let the animal go? Will you be able to tell them exactly what you think of what they are doing? Will you stand up against wrong and tell them to let the poor animal go?

If you think yes, you will, good enough. Do tell me what you do if the situation ever arises.
If you think no, I think you are the better person. Atleast you have the guts to accept what you can't do.

After all the education and modernity, it is sad and disheartening to find out that most people can not stand up for their and others' rights. Things like not eating the animal's meat are just ways to ease your conscience of the guilt it carries. But do you think it frees you of the guilt of coming face to face with your own cowardice ?

It doesn't.

First Post

Thanks to Sanjay here I am on my first posting. After all the blogs that are floating, mine is quite late. Better late than never? Many times I thought of writing a blog. Unable to come up with a creative name, I always gave up. "toxicdebt" is good enough for now.

I have been writing a diary for many years now. I moved from a pen and diary to a hidden folder on my computer to an online diary. I was always unsure of making my writings public, expecting people to think I am so dumb. As soon as I found out I could keep my blog private, I jumped at the idea of having a blog. First thing I have done is to adjust the blog settings to private.

Given the time I have, I am expecting to be quite a regular blogger now.
So here's to happy blogging!