The God of Small Things - Arundhati Roy

I had picked up this book a couple of years back but somehow left it even before completing the first chapter. Now I wonder why. I hope it was lack of time or another such reason rather than not liking the book. Whatever, this time I am glad I read it.

A should-read if not a must-read, my intention is not to summarize the story. I will leave most of it for the curious readers to find out for themselves.

The God of Small Things.

“India is a free country”. But not everyone is free to do what they like. Especially when it comes to loving someone. Either you don’t love the right man or you don’t have the right to love the one you do. A typical story about love and castes, it shows how two twins get trapped in the family drama and tragedy.

The story is not new. The two-egg twins are the protagonists. Their mother is a divorcee, educated as well, totally looked down upon by society, by her own family as well. And then she tops it up by loving a Paravan. The twins think of themselves as one, like twins very often do. The family’s distress falls upon these two kids who suffer for no fault of their own. The story begins with the funeral of an English cousin (the twins’ cousin); somehow the twins are held responsible for this. How? Why? You have to read on. For a long time.

For over half the book, the suspense and drama runs high. One by one the pieces fall into place. The narrative moves back and forth in time. Suddenly you find yourself in the present and as suddenly, you are thrown back to the past. There is a lot of wordplay and details, so much so that at times it becomes too much, but there are scenic descriptions of God’s Own Country. Towards the end there is an awesome rendition of a Kathakali performance in a temple. I am tempted to watch a live Kathakali performance now; I want to see if it is as good to see as it was to read.

Amazingly sarcastic, Arundhati Roy takes a dig, no, a lot of digs, at Indian caste distinctions, at how Indians go ga-ga over white skinned foreigners, at how old maiden aunts take it upon themselves to interfere in everything. There are loud glimpses of male chauvinism throughout the book, with a woman being beaten by a brass vase everyday, by her husband of course, just because she was running a successful pickle business; about women’s education: He decided that since she couldn’t have a husband there was no harm in her having an education and so on.

There are some thought-provoking statements too. It is curious how sometimes the memory of death lives on for so much longer than the memory of the life that it purloined. This is so true. Also some more satire like All Indian mothers are obsessed with their sons and are therefore poor judges of their abilities. I liked the book but I loved it for its sarcasm!

A thought: Ammu, the twins’ mother, found herself badly cheated the first time she fell in love. Her husband turned out to be a drunkard with no morals. Of course she was badly hurt. But she fell in love again, if at all it was love. What about the age-old adage: Once burnt, twice shy?

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Stieg Larsson

Here's your typical mystery/crime/detective novel. How engaging it is probably depends on how curious you are by nature. As I read through the 600+ pages in two days (not weekend), may be I can be called a tad curious.

The plot goes like this - a young girl, Harriet Vanger, disappeared 40 years ago (yes, 40 years!) without a trace and a concerned relative hires a journalist, Blomkvist, to figure out what happened (but, why a journalist?). Then starts the long search.

There is also the journalist's personal story, trying to redeem his lost image and avenge the people responsible for damaging it. By the way, Blomkvist is not the girl with the dragon tattoo. The girl with the dragon tattoo appears too, but it's Blomkvist who rules the show.

There are also lots of stories of romance, failed marriages, unhappy kids and the many vices of the Vanger clan. While the mystery keeps you going, the multiple plots make the book too long. There are whole pages you can skip - the Vanger family's history going back to the 1600's and all those names and locales which eventually start interfering with your mind trying to solve the mystery. It's only the middle 300 or so pages which really keep you hooked.

But but ... the end is unsatisfactory! Both in terms of how the case is solved as well as how long the other plots take to end! And even after that, Larsson leaves one of them open-ended. No doubt to take it up in his following books.

If the book were shorter by about 200 pages (atleast!), it could have been a good quick-read. If the second book in the Millennium trilogy is as long, I don't think I will be reading it anytime soon.

True History of The Kelly Gang - Peter Carey

While I wondered how Atonement missed the Booker Award in 2001, my husband got me a copy of that year’s winner. Half way through it I had my answer.

Contrary to the title, the story is a work of fiction on Ned Kelly’s life and his rise (or is it fall?) to becoming an outlaw. Told in first person by the leader of the Kelly Gang, the story starts with his childhood and family history and moves on to his later years. The book is divided in 13 sections, called parcels, each with a small summary of its contents, giving it a very authentic air. So much so that I had to keep reading the actual version of the incidents and remind myself that it is fiction, not biography that I am reading.

Set in 19th century Australia, Carey’s description of the hardships faced by Kelly and many others of his class at the hands of the higher-ups and the police, leaves no doubt in the reader’s mind of who the hero is. There is a feeling of great relief and happiness as Ned wins against them. So impressed was I by Ned that I scavenged the internet for more and more information on his life. Even though the book lacks punctuation and follows no grammatical rules, the story telling is so compelling that the writing feels completely natural after some stumbling in the initial chapters.

Very impressed with Peter Carey’s style, his Oscar and Lucinda (Booker Award, 1988) is next on my list. And thanks to Zishaan for getting me the book, this was one of my best reads.

Life of Pi - Yann Martel

I remember being very impressed by this tale of survival in which a 16 year old boy, Pi, is stranded on a boat in the middle of the Pacific ocean with a tiger on board!

The slow first half doles out lesson after lesson on animal psychology. Examples of goats and rhinos living together blissfully and rats and snakes cohabiting form a build up to the eventual calamity when Pi trains a Bengal tiger to be his subordinate on his 227 day long journey.

Reading the book a second time makes me realize there is more to it. A tale of survival, yes, but it is also a tale of faith. The reflections of the author on the subject of religion are thought-provoking. Pi is a Hindu, a Muslim and a Christian, all at the same time. The pandits, imams and priests mock him, his family doesn't understand him but he doesn't give up on any of his faiths. All three beliefs come in handy when fighting for his life in the Pacific. He prays to Allah when it is night, says Amen when he finds food and chants his mantras when scared.

"Hindus, in their capacity for love, are indeed hairless Christians, just as Muslims, in the way they see God in everything, are bearded Hindus, and Christians, in their devotion to God, are hat-wearing Muslims.

An adventurous book, there are parts which are unbelievable, but that again is just a test of faith.

The Princess Diaries - Meg Cabot

Wow! Completely wow! This first book of The Princess Diaries series is one of my favorites.

Meg Cabot describes fourteen year old Mia's life as she writes it in her diary. The story goes on to describe Mia's shock at discovering that she is not just an ordinary girl but a princess! Of course, it is not the story and its exaggerations as much as Cabot's capture of the emotions and thinking of a teenager that don't let you put it down.

One of the lightest and quickest reads amongst the last few books I read, I was lost in nostalgia about my school days and friends. I don't think this book is something guys will enjoy but girls will surely find reflections of their teenage years when they spent hours discussing trivialities with their best friend, obsessed about their clothes and looks, and of course dreamed about guys they had crushes on!

For the happy feeling this book gave me and the memories it revived, I am looking forward to reading more of this 10-book series.

The Gathering - Anne Enright

(w/ Spoilers)

So bleak and dark, you can not read it fast, try as much as you can.

The narrator, Veronica, feels the loss most when her brother Liam goes astray and dies alone. There is a secret buried in the past which is responsible for Liam’s fall. With promises to unearth this secret, the narrator describes her family’s tragic history. However, the secret is not convincing enough. Is that all that happened? Traumatic incident, yes, but how does it link with everything else? What else happened?

The book is not about Liam as it initially promises to be, it is not about their grandmother Ada. It is not even about Veronica or her strange mother. There is a lot about all of them but most characters remain undeveloped and unconnected.

There is something noticeable though. Intentional or unintentional, there is similarity in plot with ‘The God of Small Things’. Veronica and Liam’s attachment, even though there are a dozen kids in the house, is clearly reminiscent of Estha and Rahel earlier. There is resemblance in the way gloom and misery runs through generations in the family. And if none of this is close enough, there is no mistaking the same (not similar, “same”) ‘traumatic’ experience of Estha and Liam!

If you are looking for some happy reading, then I say Not Recommended. But if you do not like the colors around you or are especially fond of gray, please go ahead and read 'The Gathering'.

Lady Chatterley's Lover - D. H. Lawrence

A classic and amongst the best in literature, this novel is more famous for its scandalous content rather than its brilliant writing.

Lady Chatterley's Lover has three different versions. The first two are called The First and Second Lady Chatterley's Lover. It is the third one which is the most famous, Lady Chatterley's Lover. All three books are different from each other. The story, the characters and even their names differ. The material caused quite a scandal when published in 1960, as unlike now some four-letter words were not part of the common vocabulary then. Also, more so in the third version, there was a lot of "explicit and obscene" content, so much so that the publishers were held on obscenity trials!

I lay my hands on the second edition which is said to be the best of the three. To call it an obscene book is quite an exaggeration. True, you'd be better off skipping some pages totally, but there is a lot more to this book than banned four-letter words!

Sir Clifford Chatterley, her ladyship Constance and their gamekeeper Parker are the main characters and I do not like any of them. Especially Constance. Clifford is a typical aristocrat who is too full of himself and has rather strong opinions about everything. He is handicapped and lapses into depression and gloom time and again. Not a very likable character but I feel a certain pity for him.

The story centers around Constance. Her blank and colorless life is changed as she comes across their gamekeeper. No, it is not love that changes it. It is the ability to satisfy her sexual needs. Unlike some feminists, I don't feel that her affair with a man below her status is a sign of independence or freedom. In fact, that is just selfish. She uses Parker to satisfy her needs. There is not much said about Parker and how he feels, he just takes what is offered to him. After all, he has nothing to lose!

This is a very bleak picture I am presenting, but the characters and the story are not what makes this a classic. The portrayal of Constance's plight as she remains trapped in the marriage, the numbness inside her, the cold anger which grips her insides, and her eventual release from all of it, that is what makes this book brilliant. Intense in the extreme, it makes you feel are actually walking the woods with her ladyship. And what woods! Name a flower and see if you don't find it mentioned here. Anemones, primroses, lilies, violets, bluebells and so many more! And they are not just a description of the scenic beauty. They show the transition in Constance's life. Her solitude is mirrored in the dull landscape which slowly turns into flowers blooming everywhere, the different colors and fragrances forming an image of the blooming Constance as she finds companionship and love.

I have been trying to write about this book for many days now but I am still unable to express the intensity Lawrence's writing has. Read it, I'd say. Find out for yourself. Only be careful of which version you are reading.

The Calcutta Chromosome - Amitav Ghosh

For quite sometime I wanted to read Amitav Ghosh. So when my friend offered to lend me The Calcutta Chromosome, I jumped at it.

A quick summary (no spoilers): Antar is some guy who does something on his ultra-psued computer Ava and tracks listing of some objects. Doing this he comes across a certain Murugan’s i-card, who has been missing for some years. He soon remembers that this Murugan was his colleague and gets into the search. Murugan had come to Calcutta for some research on Sir Ronald Ross. There is (or was?) some Urmila and her family, Sonali Das, Mrs. Aratounian, Mangala, boy with palm trees on his t-shirt, Romen Haldar, Cunnigham, Maria, Tara, Lucky, Phulboni, Director and so many more people. What most of them were doing, I have no clue.

Filled with innumerable characters, who are all some how linked to the story, the plot moves on. The mystery remains intriguing for almost two-thirds of the book. However, there is too much going back and forth in time. The mix of the past and the present and the scientific and the supernatural becomes too giddy. I had to keep going back; I had to keep checking who was who and what was happening. And then comes the end! I actually re-read the last two chapters hoping that I would find out what I missed. After reading the whole book, I found that the end was as good as missing!

I think the author himself got lost in the twists and turns and just gave up on the end. He himself must have lost the link between all those bits and pieces and clay models and Renupurs and Sealdahs.

Wait, wasn’t I summarizing the book? I was, but it is just not possible.

Still, I do not completely regret reading this book. Oh, I do regret leaving a book incomplete (after all, the end was missing) but there is a certain railway station scene that is worth mentioning. I would have struck off Amitav Ghosh’s writing as not-for-me if not for that. The eeriness, the mystery, the ghost-ness of that particular scene was chilling. Just for that, I will read Amitav Ghosh again; of course, this time I will be more careful in picking the book.

Any suggestions?

Charlie and The Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl

Have you ever fantasized about living in chocolate houses and swimming in chocolate rivers? Having the world’s best chocolates? All your chocolate dreams come true in this book. Amazing creativity by Roald Dahl makes it a true classic.

There is not much to say about this book except that if you have missed reading it as a kid, read it now.


A suggestion: Please do not watch the movie. It is horrible and totally undermines the book.

Books Read in 2008

These are the books I read in 2008. There are a couple of them which I didn't read to the end. Because I found them dreadfully boring.

1. The Kite Runner- Khaled Hosseini
2. The Unbearable Lightness of Being - Milan Kundera
3. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
4. Lajja - Taslima Nasreen
5. The Road - Cormac McCarthy
6. Tuesdays With Morrie - Mitch Albom
7. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
8. Its Not About The Bike - Lance Armstrong
9. The Inscrutable Americans - Anurag Mathur
10. The Old Man and The Sea - Ernest Hemingway
11. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
12. Emma - Jane Austen
13. Family Matters - Rohinton Mistry
14. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoevsky
15. The Reluctant Fundamentalist - Mohsin Hamid
16. The Google Story - David A. Vise
17. Black Beauty - Anna Sewell
18. Fish!
19. 1984 - George Orwell
20. A Brief History of Time - Stephen W. Hawking
21. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - R.L. Stevenson
22. The Book Thief - Markus Zusak
23. The God of Small Things - Arundhati Roy
24. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
25. Who Says Elephants Can't Dance? - Loius V. Gerstner Jr.
26. Wings of Fire - A.P.J. Abdul Kalam
27. Lord of The Flies - William Golding
28. The Picture of Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde
29. Charlie and The Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
30. The Hound of Baskervilles - Arthur Conan Doyle
31. Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
32. Iacocca - Autobiography - Lee Iacocca
33. Sam Walton - Made in America - Sam Walton
34. Selected Stories - Saadat Hasan Manto
35. The Hobbit - J.R.R. Tolkein
36. The Diary of a Young Girl - Anne Frank
37. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - C. S. Lewis
38. The Calcutta Chromosome - Amitav Ghosh
39. The Metamorphosis - Franz Kafka
40. The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald
41. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
42. Good Omens - Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman
43. Treasure Island - Robert L. Stevenson
44. The Gathering - Anne Enright
45. The Trial - Franz Kafka
46. Siddhartha - Hermann Hesse
47. How to Win Friends & Influence People - Dale Carnegie
48. The Best of Roald Dahl - Roald Dahl
49. Atonement - Ian McEwan
50. Little Women - Louisa May Alcott
51. City of Djinns: A Year in Delhi - William Darlymple
52. The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari - Robin S. Sharma
53. True History of The Kelly Gang - Peter Carey
54. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
55. The Shadow Lines - Amitav Ghosh
56. A Passage to India - E. M. Forster
57. The Siege of Krishnapur - H .G. Farrell
58. Lady Chatterley's Lover - D. H. Lawrence
59. Bringing Down The House - Ben Mezrich
60. The Princess Diaries - Meg Cabot
61. The White Tiger - Aravind Adiga
62. To Sir With Love - E. R. Braithwaite
    

Lord of the Flies - William Golding

Who is the Lord of the Flies?

Except for one page in the book where this Lord has been mentioned, there is no reference to him anywhere else. And there also I was unable to understand what it means.

I did not like this book. Not at all.

10-12 years boys capable of so much savagery is unsavory to me. So many reviews of this book talk about humanity. What humanity? Where did they find it in this book? Or was it the lack of humanity they were talking about?

Most of the times I was not able to understand the imagery, the beast they are afraid of, the varied descriptions of the oceans and lagoons and pink rocks and what not. I didn’t get any of it. I might have been able to appreciate how the wrecked plane’s survivors slide into total barbarism had it been at least men in their twenties. But reading about small boys killing each other, yes 10-year olds “killing” each other, is something I can not, just CAN NOT, comprehend. And then I find out that this book forms part of compulsory reading in schools. Oh no, why do you want to teach young boys to be savage and barbaric? Let them reach there in their own sweet time.

Just looking at the human aspect might make sense especially in the last chapters, when the savages, as they are called, are hunting Ralph, it makes me think of how mobs behave in riots; how mobs create riots. How people lose all sense of "humanity", in fact how they lose all sense and kill innocents. May be humans are like that. Despite all pretence of being civilized and educated, may be that is what humans are. Savages.

But again, what was it about the beast? And the Lord? Who is the Lord of the Flies? No, seriously. Who is he?

Booker Award 2008

Targeting the Booker winners for sometime, I wanted to read the 2008 Booker Shortlist before the winner was announced. As there was not so much time left, I decided to do the best possible: Read as many of the 6 books as possible, starting with The White Tiger by Aravind Adiga. Never one to leave a book incomplete, I carried on with The Shadow Lines, while The White Tiger sat idle on my nightstand.

Finally starting with it, I found myself in bed after a few pages. No no, the book wasn't sleep-inducing, it was the typhoid bug catching up, sending me packing to Udaipur. Soon all I could do was just sleep and forget all about the stranded tiger! Early one morning I woke up to the TV buzzing loud. Amazed newsreaders marveling at the Indian writer who won the prestigious Man Booker Prize 2008 for The White Tiger!

What!

Was that a bad morning! A late riser, I was soon wide awake thinking of the still lazing tiger in my Bombay flat. Oh the frustration of knowing that I could have read the book unprejudiced, that I could have formed my honest opinion about it before knowing what the Booker jury thought of it and then judge how good (or bad) a judge I am!

I came back to Mumbai to find the tiger exactly where I left it. Three days in town and it is still at the same place. And I think it will continue being there for some more time. If it had been any of the other 5 books, I would not have minded but knowing what I had just missed was such a dampener, I still don't feel like reading it. As my chance is already lost, I will meanwhile find out how the world rates Aravind Adiga's creation. Read it I will, when, I don't know.

While I am on the topic of Booker winners, another thought. Having looked at book stores from Colaba to Powai, it is shocking how these books are simply not available!

"Do you have The Siege of Krishnapur?"
"What?"
"The Siege of Krishnapur, Farrell",
"Umm... Farrell, Krishnapur, who?"

Replace The Siege of Krishnapur by In A Free State, Oscar and Lucinda or the recent Vernon God Little, The Line of Beauty and the answer remains the same. Bookstore owners who know about thousands of books and authors on varied subjects have not even heard of these! They are of the opinion that Bookers don't really sell. Really? Is that true?

Still waiting (for more than a month!) for Landmark to deliver my online order for The Siege of Krishnapur, I will be glad if someone can me tell where I can buy these books in Mumbai. Also, waiting to hear from readers of The White Tiger!

City of Djinns: A Year in Delhi - William Dalrymple

This is a book about Delhi, not the Delhi we know now - the second largest metropolis in India. This book is about the Lutyen's Delhi, the Mughal Dilli, and the Dilli of a few thousand years. The Delhi which housed the most beautiful architecture of its era. Delhi, which has been the seat of power and the heart of India. And the Delhi which was torn into two in 1984 – the new Punjabi-settled rich Delhi and the old Urdu-speaking poor Dilli.

The city is not new to me. I have visited it on many occasions, both the newer posh areas like Connaught Place and the old city areas like the Red Fort. And of course we have all read about its history in our school text-books - how Aurangzeb overthrew his father and eventually led Delhi to its downfall. But none of those ever left an impression as strong and compelling as William Dalrymple's City of Djinns.

Dalrymple’s account of the capture of Delhi by Aurangzeb, the strained relations between his siblings, Jahanara’s hatred for her elder sister Roshanara leading to her betrayal of her own father - were amongst the most important historical insights this book provided. The author leads us into shattered Mughal palaces, inside the restricted zenana chambers, the caretakers of which were eunuchs. A stark contrast is shown in the position of eunuchs then and now. As against their despised status in society today, earlier they were the courtesans of the kings and rulers.

This was the first travelogue I read and humour was one of the last things I expected. Accompanied by many funny anecdotes, the style is witty and interesting. Wrapped in the writer's (and his wife’s) one year stay in Delhi, Dalrymple takes us through his landlady’s eccentricities, his taxi-driver’s drinking bouts, his meetings with Britishers who chose to stay back in India after 1947, misfit Anglo-Indians, old ladies claiming to be Mughal heiresses, hakims reluctant to part with their trade secrets, exciting scenes of patridge fighting and the heart-wrenching account of 1984 riots. There is a part devoted to Sufism in India, the trance like state attained by dervishes and even a visit to the dargah of Khwaja Moinuddin Chishti in Ajmer.

All this and much more about Delhi's rich heritage, which is chipping away like old paint on many of its forts, is explored in this beautiful travelogue. Dalrymple has ignited in me a desire to visit the Jama Masjid and old city of Dilli once again. To quote a friend: "City of Djinns converts the most staunch haters of Delhi to its new lovers.”

The Book Thief - Markus Zusak

The Book Thief. “The Extraordinary New York Times #1 BESTSELLER”

Oh really?

Unimpressive. Language. Overtly. Pretentious.
Undecipherable. Senseless. Metaphors. Incomplete.
Sentences.

Why, why would someone write like that? Too much repetition, big words which are not required, metaphors which don’t make sense at all. And colors. What is it with colors? Time and again, the author talks of colors. Red sky, gray road, blue sky. Am I missing something? The writing style looks forced upon. The detailed descriptions don’t make sense. Midway the story gets interesting or was it just curiosity getting the better of me? Beats me.

The setting being Germany, a lot of German words are thrown in, however unlike other books, the good thing here is that they are all explained. So now I know a bit of German too. Saukerl and Saumensch, mainly. Personally, I like books with small chapters and even smaller sections in it. Each time I move to a new chapter, it highlights my progress to me. In this aspect, The Book Thief gets full marks. Infact, this might be the only aspect in which it gets any marks at all.

(By the way, Saukerl & Saumensch is when you call someone a pig. Saukerl for a boy, Saumensch for a girl.)

The story was good. But too long. An uncommon narrator, Death, tells about the story of Liesel with her foster parents in Germany. In a country torn by war and hatred for Jews, there are some soul-touching moments. The friendship of Rudy and Liesel, the bonding between Liesel and Papa, the soft side of abuse-hurling Mama, the library of the Mayor’s bathrobe-covered wife, they are some things which make this 550 page book slightly worthwhile.

It certainly does not have what the raving reviews claim. All in all, for all those looking to read all the books in the world, I would suggest keeping The Book Thief for later.

Much later.

Good Omens - Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

There is an angel and there is a demon. Heaven and hell are conspiring to end the world and beat each other. The Armageddon is here. Anti-christ has been sent on earth to bring the end.

End of the world, devil, angel...uh..ohh...sounds too religious? Hold on!

The demon is a Bentley driving, sun-glasses sporting cool dude, who I am so in love with! And our dear angel Aziraphale is trying hard not to swear aloud! They have been living on earth too comfortably to want to go back to their respective homes. So they join hands to prolong D-day’s arrival. And to top it all, Anti-christ is a 13 year old boy roaming around in sneakers.

Hilarious doesn’t even begin to describe it!

Loads and loads of amazing one-liners, astute remarks on human nature mentioned so casually, you won’t even notice the sarcasm, this is one rocking comedy. Believe me, you won’t stop laughing. Also, unbelievably, this is a book written together by two authors. However, at no point is there a break in style. With touches of Douglas Adam at places, this is a book I simply loved!

Unless you are unable to take a joke when religion is in the picture, there is no doubt you will like this book! Enjoy!!

Siddhartha - Herman Hesse

Being not too keen on philosophy, I was skeptical about reading Siddhartha but a couple of chapters down, there was no going back. Not just that, I have already read it twice.

Written in an extremely simple yet potently powerful language, this book will force you to think. It will keep coming back to you as you look at everyday things, as you go through life.

Hesse’s philosophy is strikingly different from all others (I know) in its most basic premise on how to attain Nirvana. Instead of forgoing worldly pleasures and ties, it highlights the importance of accepting the world, the Sansara, as part of one’s self. Experience, not teachings and lessons, is the way to enlightenment.

A quick read, I do not claim it to be life-altering, but is surely worth a thought or two.

So what are you passionate about?

Do I have any regrets in life? Yes, I do. Many. But the one on the top right now is that I never cultivated deep passion for one particular activity. What do I do? Nothing. What do I looooove to do? Nothing. What is it that I want to do? Nothing. What am I good at? Nothing.

Oh if you ask me what my passion is, what my hobbies are, like a lot of sites do (Orkut, Facebook etc.), I will say I like music, what music, you say. Oh just anything. And what else? Hmm...hmm...I like reading.

No. I love reading.

Honestly, reading is the only thing that even closely qualifies to be called one of my passions. (Yes, I am sarcastic.) But it doesn't take much for this passion of mine to take a backseat. If I were so passionate about it, wouldn't I be spending time on it rather than simply passing time with it?

Some people are artists, some are hikers, some are photographers, what am I? I seem to be in an identity crisis. I want to be known for myself rather than just being an avid traveller and award-winning photographer's wife (hubby dear, please do not mind). Or let me rephrase that. While being an avid traveller and award-winning photographer's wife, I also want to be known for myself.

So does it make sense to look for a passion? To create a passion?

After a bit of soul searching, I found that I do not need to create one. It exists. All it needs is more focus. Reading. Yes, that is my passion!

I want to read all the books on the face of earth. Of course, that is not possible. But I want to read as many authors as possible, as many subjects as possible, as many books as possible. I want to read fiction and non-fiction, humor and politics (oh, I believe they are opposites), history and geography(?), romance and war. However, I do not want to read self-help-improve-your-life books. I don't like them.

There are a few ideas hovering in my mind. Like setting a target for the year or writing reviews of the books I read or something else. I will be back here once I figure this out.

A retake on some questions:
What do I do? Read. What do I looooove to do? Read. What is it that I want to do? Read. What am I good at? Still the same! Nothing! ;)

Cheers to my discovery!

Muss es sein? Es muss sein! Es muss sein!

Must it be? It must be! It must be!

This is how Milan Kundera describes his characters' needs in his book 'The Unbearable Lightness of Being'.

I had my eyes on this book for some time but when I could actually lay my hands on it, at a friend's place, I was a bit skeptical about it. The first review I heard was this: "Either you will love it or you will hate it. There is no middle way". I picked up the book. Two days later I am done reading it. I read a lot of online reviews however the one most precise is still the one I heard first. "Either you will love it or you will hate it. There is no middle way". And I love it!

Even though there was not much time to spare these last couple of days, I read it everywhere, home, office, even on the way to office. I did not want to put the book down, it is so fascinating. I wanted to keep reading it. So much so that as I approached the end I did not want to read it because I wanted it to go on forever.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being. What happens only once is as good as not happening at all. Because we have only one life, it does not matter. A decision can not be judged right or wrong unless we get the chance to go the other way as well. Because our only-once-lived-life does not matter, it makes our 'being' light. This lightness makes our life insignificant thus making the idea unbearable. Hence, the Unbearable Lightness of Being.

Fair enough, I'd say.

"Einmal ist keinmal"(once is nonce), Beethoven's "es muss sein!" (It must be!), Sabina's "Kitsch" summarize the theme. All at the same time, it is philosophical, ironical, sarcastic, humorous, sad and random!

When the subject matter is as random as this, I am amazed at the author's ability to make a book out of it. How people can make an organized (and sensible!) compilation of totally arbitrary thoughts amazes me. This is why I had liked 'A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' too.

I was reading 'The Kite Runner' before this. It was touching. Reading it made me sad. The subject matter of 'The Unbearable...' is sad too but reading it made me happy. Happy that I read the book for if I had not read it I would have missed out on something great!

Even though my liking to Kite Runner has taken a back seat in view of Unbearable.., it is a book I enjoyed reading. So much that Khaled Hosseini's other book, 'A Thousand Splendid Suns' is in my list of To-Read-Soon! Reading Kite Runner refreshed my old feeling of being-unable-to-put-the-book-down after a long time. Thanks to The Kite Runner, I am back in the reading race.

Empty Mind : Devil's Workshop

11 am. Tea.
Emails.
11.45 am. Tea.
News.
12.15 pm. Snacks. Mahabharata. 1 pm. Lunch. Mahabharata.
2 pm. News. 2.15 pm. Mahabharata. 2.30 Giveup. 2.35 Giveup. 2.40 Word Game. 3 Giveup. 3.15 Giveup. 3.40 Tea. Giveup. 4 Cack session. 4.15 Giveup.

So much time, so little to do!
That is my day in office today.
What do you do when you have nothing to do? It is ironical the way you find so many interesting things to do when there is work to be done and how you find simply nothing to do when there is time to spare!

My idea of finding solace in work does not seem to be working as there is no work. As the day goes on and as irritation grows on, other things come to mind.

As the emptiness echoes in my mind, the saying 'an empty mind is a devil's workshop' comes to mind. Is it true? Is it true that an empty mind can come up with devilish ideas? Devilish ideas, I don't know but negative ideas, definitely. As thoughts start forming, I realize it takes an effort to stop them from going in a certain negative direction. After it stops, again my mind fills up with negative things and goes on to add more negatives to them. It goes on and then with a start I realize I am doing it again. And again it takes a lot of effort to change their direction.

As the emptiness increases the negativity might take an evil turn. It might become devilish. May be that is how an empty mind becomes a devil's workshop. May be.

Me, gutless? No way! Really?

Modern. Educated. Independent. Practical. Aware of what is right and what is not. Capable of raising your voice against wrong done to you and/or others.
Is that what you think of yourself?

Scenario # 1
Out on a fun trip with friends, you come across some exotic animal. They think of catching it and making a meal of it. Assuming you think it is not correct (for obvious reasons), will you stop your friends from doing it? Will you atleast try?

I am sure the answer to this is yes. Let us change this slightly.

Scenario # 2
Same situation. Replace friends with people you would not want to piss off, say your boss. Will you be able to ask them to let the animal go? Will you be able to tell them exactly what you think of what they are doing? Will you stand up against wrong and tell them to let the poor animal go?

If you think yes, you will, good enough. Do tell me what you do if the situation ever arises.
If you think no, I think you are the better person. Atleast you have the guts to accept what you can't do.

After all the education and modernity, it is sad and disheartening to find out that most people can not stand up for their and others' rights. Things like not eating the animal's meat are just ways to ease your conscience of the guilt it carries. But do you think it frees you of the guilt of coming face to face with your own cowardice ?

It doesn't.